Saturday, July 25, 2015

In memory of Gramps........


This last week we celebrated the life of my father in law, Thomas William Backus.  I am including the thoughts that I shared at his funeral which include Cody's emails to us on the day of his passing.   I wanted to include Steve's talk, but he pretty much talked without any notes, so one day I will have him write down some of the stories he shared about his father.  It was a wonderful thing to have so many family members from both the Backus (Tom) and Bentley (Linda) sides of the family, as well as members of my family, Paynters, Labits and Neeleys (who were in town dropping kids off for EFY).  You will note that we all wore red in honor of Tom's great love for the University of Utah.














If you were to ask Tom what was one of the greatest victories he has witnessed in sports, he could easily spend hours telling you about one from each major sporting event, who was playing, who the coaches were, what years they took place, the outcomes of certain plays, the poor calls made by referee’s, and what the score was at the end of the game.

In honor of Tom and his love for victory,  I want to speak for just a couple of minutes about a victory that took place outside of the sporting world, the greatest and most celebrated victory of all time, and that being the victory over death.

Jesus Christ was the key player in the most important event in the history of the world.  He asked for no glory, no payment or reward of any kind, He volunteered when our Father in Heaven asked “Who Shall I Send?”.  Because of His great love for each of us, a little over 2000 years ago, He chose to come to this earth with a mortal body and become our Savior as He conquered both sin and death.  As a result of this victory, Jesus Christ made it possible for everyone that has ever lived upon the earth, to live again after our mortal lives end.  

President Gordon B. Hinckley said this,

"Of all the victories in the chronicles of humanity, none is so great, none so universal in its effects, none so everlasting in its consequences as the victory of the crucified Lord, who came forth from the tomb that first Easter morning. . . .
            All [those] who saw and heard and spoke with the Risen Lord, testified of the reality of this greatest of all miracles. His followers through the centuries lived and died in proclamation of the truth of this supernal act.
            To all of these I add my testimony that He who died on Calvary’s cross arose again in wondrous splendor as the Son of God, the Master of life and death". (close quote)

We have every reason to celebrate today.

It is because of Christ’s victory over death that we know with certainty that Tom continues to live and that eventually his spirit will reunite with a perfect, immortal body, one that will no longer suffer from physical and mental pain.  

I thought of just a few things that I will remember most about my father inlaw that I would like to share with you….


1. I am sure that Tom lost a lot of sleep when Steve told his dad that he was in love with a girl that was a BYU fan, but regardless, he chose to love me anyway, and he told me every time he saw me how much he loved me and how wonderful he thought I was, even knowing my faults and imperfections.

2. Tom loved my children as much as I did, he was certain they were the smartest, most athletic, most loving, funniest, and beautiful grandchildren on the planet.  Tom made each of my children feel like they were his favorite.

3. Tom could tell stories like nobody I have ever met.  He could go back 70 years and tell us about events that took place in his childhood like they happened yesterday complete with first and last names of people and the year they took place.   I am sure that after his passing, Tom has been reunited with family and friends who he hasn’t seen in a long time, and is more than likely filling them in on stories that they missed out on.

4. Tom loved sports like nobody I have ever met.  He taught me that no matter the season, no matter the day of week or time of day, with digital, satellite or cable TV there is ALWAYS a game on somewhere in the world that is worth watching.

5. Tom had the gift of being able to talk to anyone no matter who you were.  He had the ability to make you feel like a long time friend and asked questions that immediately made you feel comfortable around him.  I know my son who is serving a mission took note of this gift, and follows the example of his grandfather as he teaches the gospel.

When we knew that Tom had limited time left on this earth, we gathered in his hospital room to say our goodbyes.  I knew I would miss Tom, but my greatest sorrow came from knowing that Tom’s greatest desire was to be alive when Cody finished his mission in October.  Why did the Lord call him home when Cody had only 11 short weeks left?  

As I was contemplating the timing of Tom’s death I received an email from one of Cody’s mission companions who had just recently finished his mission, he expressed his condolences and told me that Cody had spoke so highly of his Grandpa Backus.  I thanked him and shared with him that Grandpa Backus wanted so badly to be here when Cody returned from his mission, but that the Lord had other plans.  This young man quickly emailed me back and said that the Lord had better plans for Tom, now Tom actually gets a front row seat to watch over and assist Elder Backus as he finishes his mission.  Those words brought great peace to me as I imagined Tom not only watching over & assisting Cody, but also having the opportunity to listen and be taught the gospel by his own grandson.

On Sunday I called Cody’s mission president to let him know that his grandpa was close to death.  Early Monday morning Tom passed away and I sent a quick text to the mission president to let him know that his grandpa was gone.  That afternoon we received a couple of emails from Cody and I would like to share those with you.  This is a portion of his email to his grandma, he said….

"I have spent the last 21 months teaching (people) about something called the plan of salvation. The basic truth of it is this: 1. Death is temporary. Because of Jesus Christ all will be alive again. 2. Death is essential to eternal happiness. Death is just another step in this plan. I know and look forward to the day when I get to talk with gramps and hopefully swing a few golf clubs with him again. But until that day, I am incredibly blessed to have had the 20 years I did with him.
My thoughts and prayers are turned mostly to you this week (grandma). I want you to know how much that I love you. I have been so blessed to be around my grandparents so closely and for so long. I will continue to be blessed to spend even more time around my grandmother".

Cody then sent me an email with some of his thoughts and memories of his grandpa which ends with his testimony.

These are his words….

"My Grandfather was loyal. Loyal to the Jazz. Loyal to the Utes. Loyal to anybody playing against BYU. But most importantly loyal to his family, and especially, to me. They say that time is love, and if that is the case, loyalty must be true love. 

My Grandfather, who affectionately referred to me as "Toad", taught me just about everything Grandfathers should. He taught me how to golf. How to work. How to recline in a La-Z-Boy just right. How to attract girls, although I never really put those teachings in to practice. He was always there. At every single football game, he was there. Baseball game, he was there. Basketball, he was there. Throughout the years the one thing I could count on was that whatever thing was important, to everybody or just me, he would be in attendance. 

He had a quick and incredible smile. (Maybe I should have taken him up on his girl advice?) He had a way with people. Countless times I would turn around to find him 20 feet away talking to some stranger about the 1984 Runnin' Utes. It didn't matter who you were, after you had talked with Tom Backus you felt like a friend. I was so blessed to be able to not only feel like and be a friend but also be his grandson. 

Each week during the spring and summer I would count down the days until I got to go golf with Grandpa. We would each take turns hacking at the ball, losing dozens of them each week, with the hopes of hitting that one great shot that would be good enough to keep our spirits high enough to come back the next week. We would have putting-green competitions where he would always beat me. The man was good with the short club. Whenever we were waiting for somebody ahead of us to take their shot we would just sit in the shade of the golf cart, drink a diet coke and just talk about anything and everything.

I have to admit that all sporting events will probably be a lot quieter without him and diet coke probably won't ever be the same, but I am so glad for the blessing of him being my grandfather. I will cherish my memories of him and share them with my grandson. He brought honor, nobility, strength, whit, and true love to the title of Grandfather. His loyalty reminds me of a quote by President Joseph F. Smith: (And I took the liberty of inserting the words grandfather and grandchildren where President Smith uses fathers and children)

Quote, “Brethren, … If you will keep your [grandchildren] close to your heart, within the clasp of your arms; if you will make them … feel that you love them … and keep them near to you, they will not go very far from you, and they will not commit any very great sin. But it is when you turn them out of the home, turn them out of your affection … that [is what] drives them from you. …

“[Grandfathers], if you wish your (grandchildren) to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove … that you do love them by your every word and act to[ward] them.”  Close quote.

I am grateful for the mountain of a man, my grandpa, that kept me ALWAYS within the clasps of his arms. It is my hope and prayer that I can do the same one day". 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


I too am grateful for the relationship that I developed with my father in law over the last 22 years of my life.  As we embraced each others differences we learned to love each other and as a result, learned from one another.  I am grateful for the knowledge that death is not the end, that the grave hath no victory, and that the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.







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